Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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