he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
