He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize
