I am puke
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
