it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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