If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
