Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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