how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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