dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
