I think I died a long time ago.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
