I just threw up on my dentist
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Randomize
