Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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