my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
You took a bar mat shot.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
