My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Randomize
