the new term for farting is butt boxing.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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