Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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