he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
