Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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