I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
