i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I will pee on everything he values.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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