when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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