omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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