I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
