sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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