im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
