im about as happy as oj after his trial
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
