Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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