Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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