I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Even my vagina gasped.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize