Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
a search helicopter?!
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Randomize
