so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
