i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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