Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
