You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
