i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
