im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize