like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
