week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
