I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
