She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
