tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize