You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
