i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
