During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
