I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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