At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize