I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
My liver just had a heart attack.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
sex in a hospital.. check
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize