If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
