Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize