I wish life had little blips of pornography
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
