I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize