summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
