6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
