The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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