Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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