so that wasnt chicken after all
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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