you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize