I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
