We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
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