I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
