guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
