she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
