Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
