Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize