Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
this beer tastes like vomit already
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
