Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
