So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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