if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
