We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
