So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
