i don't like sucking hair
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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