I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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