he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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