this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
